On Sexual Degenerates

8cd566846b0aaedf165c91446ec4edf4--medieval-manuscript-medieval-costumeSome time ago, Whitthenge Heall of the Ealdríce eked (added) to its monthly meetup abannings (announcements) the following forbiddance: No SJW/Social Marxists, Neo-Nazis, sexual degenerates, Loki worshippers, or gang members. This is a family friendly event for those earnestly interested in Théodish Belief.

The wording of this warning would seem to have bewildered or even angered some, as we are often asked to define “sexual degenerate.” Alas, the fault is fully ours for using a phrase so steeped in Théodish thew (custom) on a public forum. “Sexual Degenerate” is a term crafted by a council of Théodish wisemen many, many years ago[i] to betell (describe) sundry sexual lifestyles and practices which would have been thought shameful to our fore-elders (ancestors) and thus, unfit for our fellowship. As it was deemed upon then, “Sexual Degenerate” means these sixteen things and these sixteen things alone. No more and no less. We would earnestly bid you to ascribe no more meaning to it than these sixteen things which we now number below:

I. Uncouth lusters
II. Unnatural lewdsters
III. Inordinate lechers
IV. Unfettered cravers
V. Debased cullies
VI. Debauched diddlers
VII. Unseemly rakes
VIII. Reprobate raunchsters
IX. Sinking retrogrades
X. Skulking twisters
XI. Wanton thorns
XII. Goblinish perverslings
XIII. Impish humpsters
XIV. Infertility cultists
XV. Unbridled yearning goats
XVI. And anyone who is angered or bewildered by the term Sexual Degenerates[ii]

It is our earnest hope that, having fully fathomed “Sexual Degenerate” and its meaning, we have dispelled any misunderstandings which might have overtaken the minds of our readers. Yet, should one find their own folly enumerated above, we beseech thee: do not despair. Hope is eternal.  Whilst the Anglo-Saxon Théodish Belief of the Ealdríce may not be a fit for thee, our fore-elders knew of a god, Hælend, whose mægen (power) is such that he welcomes the most broken into his folkdom, even the impish humpster. One may learn more of this god and his holy heap (cultus) by clicking the link above.

[i] The Ealdríce’s Witangemót of 1310 which was held at Chester County and called by Roger Fuckebythenavele.
[ii]  In the words attributed to Morgan Freeman: “Actually no, our post wasn’t about you, but if the shoe fits feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it.”
[iii] There is no third citation in the article above. This is a work of satire. Roger Fuckebythenavele, however, is real.